Submitting To Our Husbands : Tips For Beginners


*Again, my standard disclaimer that this series is for those in loving, committed relationships that seek to honor God’s blueprint for marriage. This is NOT intended for those in abusive or unequally yoked relationships.

Welcome to the third and final installment of my series on submission. In part one we found out why we should submit to our husbands; in part two we discussed preparing our hearts for submission; today I will share tips and tricks that help me in my unending quest toward becoming a submissive, Proverbs 31 woman.
Pray

This is without doubt the most important thing you can do. If you ask, He will help you. But it won’t always be easy; God often teaches us lessons in our struggles. What should you pray for?

  • Your husband! Ask God to grant him the wisdom and fortitude to lead your family along His path. Pray for the Lord to draw close to your man.
  • Patience. If you’re naturally stubborn, combative and controlling (I’m all three) ask God to grant you extra reserves of patience as you strive to be the wife He wants you to be,
  • Forgiveness, for those times when you fall short of expectations.
  • A forgiving heart, for those times when your husband falls short of expectations.

Read

  • The Bible. Read and reread why you are striving to be a submissive wife. Familiarize yourself with Ephesians 5:21-33 and Proverbs 31:10-31. Meditate on these verses and bring them to the front of your mind in difficult situations.
  • More Bible. Another simple verse that helps me is Galatians 5:22, the fruits of the spirit. I will recite this to myself when I am stressed or overwhelmed or even sing it when I’m happy. I have fond memories of singing the Fruit of the Spirit song in youth group, too funny.

 

 

  • The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. This is an eye opening, biblically based book that demonstrates how powerful prayer can be. It shows that we wives have power to lead our relationships even though we are not ‘leading’. And that power lies in prayer.

Change Your Words

I found that demonstrating a heart of submission through words helped immensely. Some may say this is assuaging your husband’s ego; I don’t agree. Just as women feel the need to be heard and understood, men feel the need to be respected and trusted. Make sure your words communicate that trust and respect. Instead of saying things like “That won’t work” or “I told you so!” try :

  • I don’t agree, but I trust you.
  • I don’t think so, but I’ll follow your advice (decision, lead, etc.).
  • If you think that’s the right thing to do then we’ll do it.
  • It didn’t work but you made the best decision you could, chalk it up to a learning experience.
  • At least we learned what to do next time.

Relax

Chances are you will see that it’s usually not the end of the world if your husband decides to switch careers, buy a used car even if you don’t agree with it. Things won’t always come out roses; your husband won’t always make the right decision, but the productive relationship you foster will be priceless. Good will come of it.

Linked To:

Wifey Wednesdays at To Love Honor and Vacuum

 

Preparing Our Hearts For Submission

Again, please let me stress that this post is intended for believers. This is not meant for those trapped in abusive relationships, or even in marriages where they are unequally yoked. Those are very delicate situations which I do not feel qualified to address. Even addressing submission is stretching it a bit as it is, because I can say without hesitation that I am far from the submissive wife. But I try, my heart is facing that direction.

In part one I shared scripture which calls us to be submissive wives. I should be a submissive wife, I want to be a submissive wife; but…
As women in the US we’re taught to be independent and fearless. In some ways these are good and necessary things; but marriage is a partnership.
Biblically, marriage is an interdependent relationship in which husbands are to love their wives and women are to submit to their husbands. So, how does one begin to be submissive in a culture where women are taught that they should never let a man tell them what to do? How do we prepare our hearts for submission?
In order to prepare our hearts, we must first change our minds.
Submission is not an act, it’s a mindset.
 
Submission in marriage is the commitment to put ‘us’ before ‘me’. It’s the ability to work together toward common goals. It’s acceptance of the fact that you are not giving up yourself, you’re giving of yourself.
I truly believe that the root of submission is faith.
Faith and fear cannot coexist. Submission and fear cannot coexist. Just like faith, submitting means being able to let go of the fear. Fear of what? Well, what are you afraid of? We may each have a different answer. For me, it’s the fear of losing control, the fear of complete surrender.
If you’re struggling with submission, don’t fret. I’ve been there, some days I AM there. Take the week to meditate on what I’ve shared. Get to the bottom of what you may be afraid of. And come back next Wednesday when I will share submission tips for beginners.
Linked To:

Submitting to Our Husbands

When did submission become a bad word?
Was it through the bastardization of the feminist movement? The sad truth of battered women? Legalism in the church? I don’t know where it began. But I do know that if I use the word submit in conversation pertaining to my marriage, people usually look at me as if I’ve suddenly grown 3 extra heads.
Ephesians 5:22-23 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
Let’s look at a few synonyms for submit: abide, acknowledge, agree, bow, cede, defer, humor, lay down arms, quit, relinquish, surrender, withstand, yield. Why do none of those words sound bad? Submission is not a bad thing. We’re not taking about blindly following a cruel, domineering, unforgiving leader.
We’re talking about our husbands.
We’re talking about respect.
We’re talking about trust.
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…
This is not a one way street. In our submission to, our respect of and our trust in our husbands, they are to love us. They are to give themselves up for us. To sacrifice. They are to sacrifice in love and work and provision. Again, this is not a one way street.
Ephesians 5:21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Submission and Sacrifice. Both these words can have such negative connotations. But when submission and sacrifice are done out of love, in marriage and in accordance with God’s plan, then neither is negative.
But where do we start? How do we begin to be submissive in a culture rife with pride, a twisted interpretation of feminism and greed? It’s not easy and I don’t have all the answers; but join me next week when I share ways to prepare your heart for submission in marriage in this modern world.
*This post is meant for married believers only. This is the first in a series I plan to do on submission. In no way am I suggesting women should accept abuse of any sort. That is a wholly different issue, not addressed here.
 
Linked To:

Wifey Wednesdys at To Love Honor and Vacuum