You know how lots of people are now naming their years instead of doing resolutions? I do that too. Since November I have known what my word for 2012 would be. Redemption.
I was looking over my life and finding myself incredibly thankful for all the things God has redeemed in me. Things I didn’t even know He was working on, and I was/am humbled.
I had spent some time following a trail of verses I had written on the pages of my Bible – the Bible I had at 16 years old when I was pregnant with Fox. I hopscotched through the pages and was in tears. Each verse had to do with forgiveness, grace and redemption. My 16 year old self had been searching for forgiveness and a path forward. Hope.
I planned (and still plan) to share these verses and the many ways God has redeemed so many things in my life. I was stoked to share my word for 2012. Redemption! I wanted to shout about it.
Then something happened. 2012 got off to a very bumpy start.
January was not easy.
To start, I had a falling out with a dearly loved family member on New Years Day. A week later I had a fender bender. No one was hurt (praise!) but our 11 year old family van was totaled by the relatively small amount of damage. I spent half a day in the ER for precautionary treatment and Rh shot for the baby. We hoped to refinance our old home (we are renting it to family) only to find the appraisal came back much, much lower than expected – thank you economy. A close family member is separated from his wife, it’s a very sad situation. And my maternal grandmother was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of brain cancer.
It’s been a day by day walk. I asked God if this was His sense of humor. Really? I named this year Redemption – I planned to share all the glorious things You have done for me – and this is how the year starts? You give me NEW STUFF that needs to be redeemed? Will the whole year be like this? Ugh.
I began to wish I named my year “Full Time Fun” or “Smooth Sailing”. Can I have a do over? Is it too late too change my word? The way this year is going, I should rename it something more fitting. I can see it now! 2012 – Year Craptastica! Yes, that will work.
But here I am. It’s February 1st. And I’m here to tell you I still have hope. My God is bigger than ALL this. He deserves praise during the storm. Just last night, amends were made with the estranged family member. Shane can usually work from home one day a week so I can use his SUV for field trips or errands. A sweet friend gave all 5 of us a ride to co-op in her amazing 8 passenger van. The baby is healthy and active. Finances may be tight, but we still have plenty. The family member separated from his wife has a great support system and is dealing well with the stress. My grandmother, the prayer warrior, is singing praises in her hospital bed. She told me “I’m healed either way. I’ll be healed on earth or in heaven” and she told my father “I’ve got my foot on the Rock and He has me on His roll.” That’s my grandma.
A friend at co-op shared this verse last week:
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” Phillipians 4:11
Did you catch that very important word? Learned. I have learned to be content. It might not come instantly or naturally. But we need to teach ourselves to be content, even in difficult situations. Because God is in control and He works all things to His glory.